My demented book!

Admin Posts : 316 Join date : 2008-08-23

havent done much yet but what do ya think?

Quote :: The Really long prologue that actually is only very short!

Millions* of years ago there was a big** tree, what it grew on, no one knows*** but what the do know, or actually what the think is that it had a lot of “seeds” on it. And each of these seeds had a little ball of fire and a strange ball of something (insert funny word for rock here). For simplicities sake we will call the big ball of fire the sun and the ball of (whatever the funny word for rock was here) the moon, and just so it all makes sense we can call the “seed” a planet.

On this little planet there are lots of strange living creatures, from humans to trolls, heck, even some un-living creatures too, like vampires and werewolves. Admittedly most of those are killed by the living creatures carrying pointy sticks****.

Anyway, there’s your prologue, happy? Now for the actual story…
…But first, this.

* Probably billions, but no one ever kept count.
** Very big being the technical term.
*** Or cares.
**** Or silver sticks for the werewolves.

Quote :: Larkin woke up to screaming, he looked around the cramped, dusty room, His eyes searching for the source of the noise. After a few seconds he realised, it was him. He got up from the floor and went over to his desk, sat down on his old chair and started studying the objects on the messy desk. Over the years he had collected up a lot of things from the city but they were mostly hidden in his “evidence” drawer. Some of the things on his desk included: a pile of old reports, a leaflet entitled “the undead are living people too” and a collection of paperweights depicting farmyard animals*.

“Oi, you ‘orrible lot” yelled Sergeant Stinky**, a rather overweight human with a talking problem, the problem usually being the fact that he wont stop.
“Who ya talking to, sir?” called out Corporal Crumbles, a very short human who could pass himself off as a dwarf in bad light***.
“All of ya, of course”
“Hey, I’m not ‘orrible, my mum said so” called out Lance-Corporal Gagy, the only gnome in the watch.
“You killed your mum, bootlicker” Joked Crumbles.
“Your point?” replied Gagy innocently.
“Anyway, what do ya want sarge?”
“Cap’n Larks said he cant come down ere today, there’s some “equal rights for imps” parade, or summit like that down his road and he cant get out of his ‘ouse”
“How’d he tell ya then?”
“He came down here this mornin’ with some signed reports”
“You’re not very smart are ya sir?”

* He would have sworn they were kings last night.
** His actual name was Shinke, but he smelled like Crumbles boots after a long day jogging, so he got the nickname.
*** Or good light actually.